


A Life in Silence

by noideawhatiamdoing



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Relationships, F/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-04 13:03:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6659179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noideawhatiamdoing/pseuds/noideawhatiamdoing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Selythgaren has married the elven king, Thranduil. She loves him with her whole heart but he has started to immerse himself in his work. She misses him so much and can't help but feel like this is all her fault. She begins to self-harm and the events that follow are wrought with angst, heartbreak, and pain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“My life is nothing but one big performance. Nothing of myself resides in this body, in this life, anymore. While my heart may still beat, my soul is buried and broken.”  
Selythgaren sighed sadly as she wrote these words in her journal. Life as queen of the Woodland Realm had been much different than she had ever imagined. Thranduil had been different than she had ever imagined.  
At first, he had been the most loving and kind man she had met, even if he was a bit distant and slightly cold. It was still obvious he cared for her when she looked in his eyes. Now? She only felt as though she were only an annoyance to him, breaking his concentration from his work. His work was his priority and she was his second.  
Not that she ever argued with him about it. She didn’t want to lose the piece of him she had. So she began to bleed herself, keeping the pain of his lack of love for her at a distance. She didn’t care that it was a shameful practice for any one of her kind, especially for an elven queen, but she knew how to keep this secret. Thranduil never really touched her anymore. She kept the cuts to her thighs and legs and stomach so no one could see anything. She was careful to make sure she would survive. Sadly, she realize how wrong she was.  
She sighed and pushed the disgusting, shameful thoughts from her mind as she left her bedroom and walked down to her king’s study. She went to him every morning to remind him that she was still there. Still his wife that loved him deeply. Not that he ever acknowledged it, but she had to at least try. She smiled as she walked in and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. “Good morning, meleth nin. I hope you slept well.” She said as sweetly as she could, hoping that he would look at her with love and happiness in his eyes for her.  
Unfortunately, this did not happen. He almost glared up at her, making her shrink back and feel as though she were a mere fly buzzing around his face and annoying him. “I slept fine, love. Thank you. But I have much work to get done so if you will excuse me.” He said in an almost cold and harsh voice, immediately feeling bad but needed to be honest so he could get it done and give her the love she deserved later.  
Selythgaren felt her heart break again, as it did every morning he did this to her, but she hid the sadness in her eyes as she turned away from him. “Of course. I am sorry to have interrupted you. I shall leave you to your work.” She said softly as she swept from the room, immediately thinking of the sweet release her knife would bring her in just a few moments.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Selythgaren goes to a party Thranduil is hosting, hoping it is for their anniversary.

A few days later, it was time for another feast. Thranduil loved his feasts and the abundance of wine at all of them. Selythgaren saw it as a chance to attain his love, even for only one night. She could relax and beautify herself to be worthy of her king, even if she felt she still didn’t feel beautiful enough to stand at his side.  
This night, it was for autumn. The leaves were beginning to fall from the trees in beautiful rich colors. It was one of her favorite seasons, as her and Thranduil had been married during this season. She hoped secretly that this party was for them, as today was their anniversary. She was sure he would not forget, as he had never forgotten before.  
Selythgaren entered the party in a beautiful deep red dress, hugging her body before slightly flaring out close to her knees and going all the way to the floor. It was decorated with all sorts of silver embellishment with the back open, a bit risqué and daring but that was her style. Her hair was partially up, braided with beautiful curls flowing perfectly down to her back. She carried the grace and beauty of a queen, with her autumn crown atop her head. She looked the part of the perfect queen.  
She couldn’t help but smile as she sat next to Thranduil and laced her fingers through his. “Thank you my love for the lavish dress. It is a most beautiful anniversary gift.” Thranduil turned and raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean? I sent the dress since it is the night of a feast and you need to look beautiful, as you are.” His eyes widened as he realized that this night was the night of their anniversary and he sighed. “I am so sorry. I had forgotten all about it with all that has been going on.” He said as he kissed her hand, then kissed her cheek. “I will make it up to you later.” He whispered softly before restoring his kingly features back to their hard and regal expression.  
Selythgaren felt tears in her eyes as she heard his words. She looked down so he would not see her weakness. “It is alright. There is no need. You are busy with your work. Worry only about that and nothing else.” She said softly as she rose to her feet and walked to the powder room, letting the tears slip from her eyes for a moment before gathering herself and walking back out, her regal smile back in place with no one the wiser.  
The night progressed as every other feast did. Selythgaren played her role as a beautiful and loving queen as Thranduil spoke of business and joked with his advisers. It was all a part of the dance they did each day, holding on by a thread without even realizing it.  
It was finally time for the dancing to begin. As custom, the king and queen took the first dance together. Selythgaren cherished this closeness that they shared for a few moments before he was torn away from her again by work or spiders.  
She leaned into him and kissed his neck gently. “I have missed you, my love.” She whispered softly. He sighed and nodded, kissing her head. “As I have missed you, my heart. But alas, too much to do to keep our land safe. One day, I shall make it up to you.” He promised gently, though he knew it would be a long time before he really could make it up to her. He hated what he was putting her through but he had no choice in the matter.  
Selythgaren sighed and nodded. “I understand. Do not worry for me. I will take care of everything I can so you can focus on your work and your people.” She said as she looked up at him with a small smile as she stroked his beautiful silver blond hair. “I am going to retire soon for the night. Will you join me?” She asked, hope in her voice that he would miraculously say yes.  
He sighed and shook his head. “I cannot. I only took a break. I have much more to do before I can sleep and I must still get up early.” He said with a sigh and kissed her lips gently. “Sleep well, my love. I will miss you in my arms tonight.” He said as he stroked her cheek before walking away to the council to discuss more business.  
Selythgaren watched him leave her and sighed. Alone again tonight. It was beginning to wear on her but she dare not show it, even in her eyes. She turned and walked out as tears began to fall. She was beginning to realize that she would never have her husband back. She was now doomed to be alone forever and nothing broke her heart more than this realization. She was alone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Selythgaren remembers meeting Thranduil and falling in love with him.

That night, as Selythgaren cleaned her knife and her wounds, she thought of Thranduil years ago. When they had first fallen in love. She smiled at the fond memories of his bright eyes and loving voice. Everything about him from those days made her happy and long for those days again.  
Her mind drifted back to their first meeting. Valar whoever thought an assassin and a king would ever fall in love?  
“I should kill you.” Selythgaren sneered at the king. She had him trapped in his private rooms, where no one dared to disturb him.  
Thranduil rolled his eyes. “You would not even be able to get close enough to lay a scratch on me.” He spat, spinning his swords in his hands as his eyes watched her every move carefully.  
Selythgaren growled and sprung at him, using every move she could pull out and quickly took him down, ending up straddling his waist and holding his arms above his head. She looked down into his eyes and was suddenly moved by something she could not understand. This man got her a decent size paycheck. Why was she hesitating with the final blow when she so clearly had him defeated and where she wanted him?  
She narrowed her eyes down at him. “I will offer you a chance to save your life. Allow me to stay within your kingdom and work for you in the palace as a personal guard and assassin if you would like. I will give you your life and even help you.” She didn’t know why she was doing this, but she knew she was drawn to him. She couldn’t take her eyes from his. This position alone made her feel desire for the king below her, which was odd as she had never felt anything like this. She pushed those feelings back and looked down at him coldly as she awaited his decision.  
He hissed at her but after hearing her offer, he nodded after a long moment of thought. “Fine. You could obviously kill me if you wished right now but you wish for a home instead. I will give it to you to keep my life and protect my people from the chaos of my death.” He said coldly, unhappy that he had been beaten. “Only one other condition. You must teach me to fight like you so I can beat you one day.”  
Selythgaren rolled her eyes but nodded. “Fine. Though you will never be able to beat me.” She hissed as she stood up and brushed herself off. Her mind was screaming at her to kill him but her heart could not do it. It refused against her wishes and seemed to stop her limbs from doing anything that could hurt him. She did not yet know that this was the beginning of her path to becoming queen.  
And she had never guessed she would have ended up married to the man. She had never realized until the moment of their first kiss that her heart stopped her because it felt that she would love him, even if she did not know him. The Valar themselves had stopped her by incapacitating her heart to give her the chance at love she had so desperately desired for so long but never felt worthy of.

Her mind then travelled to the moment of their first kiss, one of her best memories of Thranduil. She couldn’t help the wide smile that broke out across her face as she began to brush her hair. Her mind’s eye went back to that day, as if it were only yesterday.  
“You are too slow, old man.” Selythgaren teased the King as they practiced in the woods. She had kept her word and trained him the best she could in each fighting style, then taught him how to blend all of them into one cohesive style that allowed surprise for each opponent and a better chance at victory.  
He rolled his eyes as he sprung at her again. “I think you are mistaken, little one.” He said with a teasing young light in his eyes. He looked almost young again to her, more carefree than she had ever seen him inside the palace. It made her smile in return as years melted from face. She was enjoying herself for one of the first times in her entire life. And it felt amazing.  
She easily got the blade out of his hand and pinned Thranduil once again, grinning as she had him pressed against a tree. She trapped his body with her own as she held the knife to his throat. “I think I just beat you again, your majesty.” She said, smugness rolling off of her.  
He rolled his eyes as he grinned down at her. “Just this time. I will beat you one day, Selythgaren.” He said, even as he felt something stir in himself as he looked down at her. Selythgaren could feel her heart stirring as well, pressing her to lean up and kiss this beautiful king. She frowned a little at the thought. She couldn’t kiss him. He was a king for crying out loud! He would never want somebody like her ever.  
But Thranduil felt the opposite. He fought with himself for a few moment before pushing the knife from his throat and wrapping an arm around her waist, pulling her even closer so that their lips were inches from one another, their breath mingling in the space between them.  
His actions spurred Selythgaren to act, unable to deny her heart its wishes any longer. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his in a gentle loving kiss, not asking for anything but enjoying the feel of his perfect lips against her own. Her arms went around his neck as she kissed him so deeply, feeling her entire body and soul soar from happiness.  
When they parted for breath finally, they both gasped for air before smiling at each other. “That was the best kiss I have ever had.” Selythgaren said softly as she stroked his gorgeous silver blond hair.  
He smiled down at her and nodded. “I loved it. I only wish I had done it sooner.” He said before leaning in for another kiss, not stopping until they were found hours later by guards fretting over their king’s disappearance.  
She chuckled to herself at the beautiful memory of that clearing, oh so long ago. It seemed a thousand leagues away from where they were now. Yet, she stayed here in misery for him. He said that he loved her and she was sure that was all she would ever need. She sighed to herself as she crawled into bed and curled into a ball, letting happy memories flow through her mind as she fell to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dwarves come to Erebor and Selythgaren sees a side of Thranduil she didn't know he had.

Selythgaren walked up to throne room, where some dwarves had apparently been captured. She was surprised that Thranduil had even remembered her after days of going without hardly speaking except for her morning visits. She shrugged that off though. He was asking for her to be there and that was all that mattered.  
She sat down next to her husband on her throne and held her regal, almost cold look as Thorin was brought in. She sighed to herself as Thranduil walked down from their pedestal and began speaking to him, accusing him of only being a thief. She didn’t really understand why he was so rude to the dwarves. Yes, they had done wrong by him in the past, but he also would need their trading and resources. Especially if they did win their home back.  
She stood as he ordered the dwarves to be locked away. “He is only trying to save his home, Thranduil.” She said softly as she began walking away, not feeling like dealing with her husband’s anger.  
Thranduil raised an eyebrow at her, his eyes holding anger. He stood and grabbed her arm. “You do not question me, Selythgaren. You might be a queen but you are still under me.” He said evenly, his eyes cold towards her.  
Selythgaren felt her heart crumble into pieces as she ripped her arm away from him. “I am not yours to command. I told you that when I married you. Now, I am leaving and going down to the dungeon to check on our prisoners.” She said evenly then turned and walked away from him.  
She ran down to the dungeons with tears running down her face and sat down on the steps. He looked at her as if she were nothing. That broke her completely. The man she loved treated her as if she were just another subject and was not even important to him anymore. She was completely broken now.  
Fili looked out the door of his cell to see one of the most beautiful elves he had ever seen. She had a crown on, which meant she had to be King Thranduil’s wife. He walked over as far as he could and wrapped his hands around the bars. “Are you alright, my lady? Is something wrong?”  
Selythgaren looked up at the dwarf and sighed. “It’s nothing. I should have been expecting it after all this time.” She said with a sad smile as stood and walked over to his cell, looking down at him. “Thank you for your concern though.”  
Fili smiled and took her hand, just as a friend and wanting to comfort her. “It will be alright. I am sure if he loves you he will right whatever he did wrong.”  
Selythgaren was about to thank him again when she heard a growl of anger and was pushed away from the cell. She fell on the stairs and gasped in shock and pain.  
Thranduil stared down at the dwarf. “How dare you try use my wife to get out of this place! She will never let you go! She is mine to command!” He growled.  
Selythgaren looked at him in shock before standing. “I am glad I finally know why you married me.” She said evenly. “Thank you for trying to comfort me, but I think you are wrong about one thing. He doesn’t love me, so he will never fix this.”  
She walked up to their room and began packing her things, tears dripping from her eyes. She was completely broken. She had been holding onto the hope that he still loved her. That he cared about her. Now, she didn’t even have that. She wouldn’t divorce him, but she couldn’t stay in what was supposed to be their martial bed. She didn’t want to see anything that would remind her of him.  
Thranduil came in and looked at her in shock. “Are you leaving me?” He asked softly, feeling terrible for what he had said.  
Selythgaren turned and shook her head. “I just can’t see anything that reminds me of you. I won’t see you except parties, since I will stop my morning visits. They only annoy you anyways. I will your wife in name but feel free to take anyone you want to your bed. You obviously don’t love me anymore. Or maybe you never did. I don’t know anymore.” She said as she turned back to finish packing.  
He looked at her in shock and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close, even as she didn’t even react to his embrace. “I do love you. And I am sorry I haven’t been here for you. I will make it up to you. Please, just a little bit longer. I am only acting for our people.”  
Selythgaren shook her head and pulled away from him. “I can’t trust that anymore. You have been saying that for years and have still done nothing. You cannot even act concerned for me in front of our prisoners. I won’t give you the shame of divorce, I love you too much for that, but I refuse to pretend that everything is alright between us now. You can stop the acting now.” She said as she moved past him and picked up her things. “I hope this might make you happy. I obviously don’t know how to anymore.” She said before leaving the room, tears running down her cheeks. She needed her knife more than ever. It was the only thing that could give her comfort now.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Selythgaren tries to kill herself after her life has seemed to fall all around her.

A week went past with the two separated. Selythgaren stopped all her visits to Thranduil and only saw him when she had to. She couldn’t stand more than that. All he did now was drink. When she saw him, he was hanging off another woman or the occasional man. While she never saw him kissing anyone, she could see he didn’t care any longer. He had moved on.  
She waited for the day he left for Dale. She didn’t want to do this while he was here. It felt…wrong somehow to end her life while her husband was here. If she could even call him that anymore. All she knew is that she couldn’t live like this anymore. Doing this wouldn’t cause Thranduil any shame. Her memory would be darkened but she would take that over his character being called into question and his kingdom taken away. At least he would still have all he wanted.  
She filled her bath tub full of water as she cleaned her knife and made sure everything else was clean. The servants wouldn’t have to do much after her death that way. She didn’t want to cause more work for them.  
Once it was full, Selythgaren shed her clothes and stepped into the water. She sighed softly as she took her knife and looked at it for a moment. She had never thought that this would be the end. She had thought that she would die of old age after a decent life. Thranduil would there holding her hand, or already passed away. Reality now showed her that she would be alone in her death.  
With her last thoughts of Thranduil, she took the knife and sliced her arms open, hitting the vein in each with a long deep cut that ran from her wrist all the way up to her elbow. She set the bloodied knife on the side of the bath tub and sank down into the water. She soon felt the dizzy feeling of blood loss, and sighed sadly as she began to feel her spirit leaving her body. It was not long before her eyes closed, hoping it would be the last time she saw the world.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thranduil wakes the morning after the Battle of the Five Armies and thinks he has his wife, Selythgaren, with him after being drunk the night before. He soon finds this is not the case.

Thranduil groaned as he woke in his tent. The Battle of Five Armies was over and his thoughts had immediately went back to Selythgaren. And that thought always got him drinking. He was sure that he had his Sel with him last night in his bed. Finally, after so long apart, they had united again. He knew he could show her and win her back and now he had. He turned over to wake her up when a servant came in.  
“Your Grace I-“Thranduil cut him off with a growl as he looked up at him. “Get out! Can you not see that I am with my love?!” The servant looked at him with wide eyes and sighed. “I only came to bring word. Your wife tried to kill herself while we were gone. She has not passed yet.” He said softly before turning and leaving the tent.  
Thranduil frowned. Tried to take her life? That couldn’t be! He had taken her to bed! He looked down, then froze as he saw Bard, the one who would be the new king of Dale. Pain filled his chest as he jumped up away from the bed. “No no no no…” Tears filled his eyes as he shook his head. He had always told himself that he would be faithful, no matter what. Even after she had said he could take another lover, he swore to himself that he would not. Yet here he was, drunk with someone else in his bed with his wife almost dead back home.  
He immediately dressed and called one of his servants in. “Get my elk ready. I have to get back to the palace.” The servant sighed but nodded as he bowed and left to do just as he had ordered. Thranduil, for one of the first times in his life, didn’t care for his appearance. With disheveled hair and worry plain on his face, he went to leave the tent when he heard a groan.  
Bard sat up and gave Thranduil a strange look. “Where are you going? I thought we could stay and cuddle.” He whined playfully as he stood up and wrapped his arms around the other man, kissing his neck lightly. Thranduil shook his head and pulled away. “This was a mistake, Bard. I can’t. I have a wife waiting at home…” Bard’s eyes immediately went wide. “You never mentioned her. Well, you said that you had divorced her and she didn’t matter. I would have never done this otherwise.”  
Thranduil shook his head. “I have to go. I have abandoned her and have to try to get her back.” He said as he ran to his steed and jumped on, taking off as soon as he could and leaving his guards in the distance. The woman he loved was dying and he needed to get there before she could.  
Within days, Thranduil arrived at the palace and ran to his wife. As soon as he saw her, tears welled up in his eyes. She looked pale and lifeless. Pain spread through his body as he walked over to her slowly and wrapped his arms around her. “I am so sorry, my love. I did this to you. I should have listened to you. I should have paid attention to you and loved you. Please don’t leave me, Sel. I need you.” He whispered as he held her close, kissed her head and cheeks as if that alone could bring her back.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Selythgaren wakes up and Thranduil has to finally face what pain he has caused his wife.

Thranduil stayed by Selythgaren’s for days. He refused to sleep and would barely eat. His skin became paler than normal as he lost weight in the span of days. Servants, guards, and nobility all tried to help him, but he heard none of it. His eyes were set on his wife, lying cold and pale next to him. She was all that mattered. Until she woke, he would do nothing but what was necessary to survive.  
After those few days passed, Selythgaren began to slowly wake. She blinked as she opened her eyes to the ceiling of the healing room. She gasped as she blinked and looked around, tears filling her eyes. How the hell was she alive?! Why?! She wasn’t supposed to be here! She sat up quickly but immediately felt dizzy and sank back down into the bed.  
Thranduil looked up as he felt her stir and felt his heart jump. “Selythgaren? Are you really alive?” He asked softly as he sat up and stroked her hair. “It will be alright. I am here and I am going to take care of you.”  
Selythgaren looked up at him with tears in her eyes as she turned away from him. “No. You don’t need to pretend anymore. I know you don’t care about me any longer. You should have just let me die so you would be free to take whoever you like.” She said as she curled into herself.  
He was completely shocked at her words. Had he really hurt her that deeply? He immediately felt even guiltier about what he had done with Bard, even if he didn’t remember it. She was his wife, the person he loved. How could he have driven her to this point? He took a deep breath before taking her hand. “I know how I have acted towards you, but it is not how I feel. I love you, Sel. I just thought that you were alright. I didn’t see a change-“  
At that, Selythgaren turned and looked at him with hurt in her eyes. “You didn’t see the damn tears I was hiding?! You couldn’t hear the longing in my voice for you to only notice me?! You think I would be alright when you couldn’t even fucking touch me intimately for months?! Thranduil, you are not stupid. I have not been alright. I have been living in hell for you! All for you! I tried to kill myself to give you a chance without any shame! My memory would have been tarnished, but I didn’t care! You wouldn’t be shamed by what I had done to myself. You were the last thought I had before I passed out.” Tears ran down her cheeks as she looked at the man she loved and could only feel pain in her heart. “I gave you everything I had and you didn’t care. You threw it aside as if it were nothing. You treated me as an annoyance and a pain. I tried to get rid of myself for you, yet you bring me back as if you still love me. Stop torturing me and just let me die if you are just going to jerk me around even more.”  
Thranduil looked at her with shock and pain in his eyes. How could he have made her think that? Then he looked back through his memories and saw what she was saying. Every little motion and movement and word was covering something. But he hadn’t seen the change in his own wife. He had tossed her aside, saying that he would always make it up later. But later hadn’t come soon enough.   
Tears flooded his eyes as he looked down at his love, broken and hurt from his own hand. The thin cloth that covered her body allowed him to see the cuts on her thighs and legs. The long cuts on her arms. These would never fade and he had been the one to put each and every one of them there. He let out a long shaky breath as he took her hand. “I am so sorry for what I have done. I was drowning in my work and didn’t ever think of what it could be doing to you. Let me rebuild this. I love you and don’t want to lose you.” He said softly as he looked down with love and care in his eyes.   
Selythgaren looked up into his eyes and saw the love that had been there when they were both younger. Back when they had first met and practiced together. She couldn’t but melt into him and nod, with tears in her eyes. “I don’t want to lose you either. I have been doing everything I could not to. But we can’t just start over. We just have to rebuild what we have and pray that we can still get back what we had.”  
Thranduil nodded and kissed her head. “We can. I will do everything I can to get you back. I need you at my side so I can survive. So I can feel and not become a cold hearted bastard.” He said softly as he held her close to his chest. He was just enjoying the feeling of holding her again. Something he had missed all this time.  
Selythgaren sighed softly as she nodded. “I need you too, Thranduil. I love you too much to let go of you.” She then looked up at him. “I know I said it was alright, but did you ever take another into your bed? And please don’t lie.”  
Thranduil stroked her hair and shook his head. “I would never take another. You are my heart and my life.” He knew he was lying to her, but he wasn’t going to put something else between them. Besides, it was a drunken mistake that would never be repeated. No one would ever say anything about it. Not to her at least. He needed to move on with her and that would only hold him back from moving on with her.  
Selythgaren sighed in relief and nodded. “Thank you. I know it said it was alright, but I secretly hoped you would never take another. Or that you wouldn’t lie if you did. It doesn’t matter though. We will be one again and there will be nothing between us now.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Selythgaren finds out that Thranduil lied to her from one of her servants.

In the months after their agreement, Selythgaren could see the change in her husband. He made time for her and was honest with her, as far as she could tell at least. She still had urges and had been repressing them the best that she could, lowering her cuts to once or twice a week instead of dozens every single day. Thranduil helped her along with her work, constantly asking how she was and if she needed anything. It reminded her of the happier days when they were deeply in love, making her happier automatically.  
But the happiness couldn’t last. As her happiness grew, the servants closest to her knew of the secret Thranduil was hiding. They also knew that every moment that it was withheld from her, the worse her reaction would be when she finally found out.  
One of the younger servants, Esteleth, that served as one of Selythgaren’s handmaidens finally decided that she couldn’t take it anymore. Selythgaren needed to know what her husband had done and hope that the king would not punish her.  
She came into the chambers quietly, nervous about what she was about to do. Selythgaren was reading a book, relaxing a bit after doing some paperwork, when she noticed one of her favorite handmaidens. She closed her book and knelt down in front of her. “Hello, Esteleth. It is good to see you, but why have you come to me? Is there something you need to tell me?” She asked, worry plain on her face for the little girl.  
The girl sighed and nodded. “I am scared to tell you. The king would punish me for this. He made it known that anyone who told you would face serious consequences but I can’t watch him lie to you.” She said softly.  
Selythgaren frowned at her words. Thranduil was keeping secrets? She thought they had left that terrible habit behind. She instantly began to worry, knowing that this girl would not lie to her. “Tell me, little one, and I shall protect you from my husband, no matter how upset I am at this news.” She said softly and seriously.  
The girl gave her a small smile and nodded. “King Thranduil didn’t tell the truth when he said he had not laid with another. Many servants saw him with the new King of Dale, King Bard. Many heard him talking about divorcing you for him and complaining about how clingy you were, even though I know you are not. It has been the talk of the palace ever since he returned but he ordered everyone to keep his secret and would destroy us if we destroyed his happiness.” She took a deep breath and looked down to give her some privacy.  
Selythgaren felt the shards of her heart that she had so painstakingly sewn back together after her attempted suicide shatter all over again. Her breath stuck in her throat as tears filled her eyes. She turned away for a moment before standing. “Stay here and begin packing my things. I can no longer be here for now. You shall go with me to Lorien in order to keep you safe, so get your things after I return.” She said softly before turning to leave, walking down to her husband’s study with tears in her eyes and a feeling of betrayal in her heart.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Selythgaren confronts Thranduil about his lies and makes a decision

Thranduil looked up as he saw Selythgaren entered his study. He smiled before frowning when he saw the tears in her eyes. He immediately went to wrap his arms around her only to be shocked when she pushed him away.   
“Don’t you dare try to comfort me right now. You are a lying bastard, Thranduil. I asked for the truth months ago, yet it has only now been made known. Worse yet, for the lips of my youngest handmaiden who didn’t want to see me hurt.” She shook her head as she backed away from him. “I would not be upset if you had only told me the truth. I only asked if you had taken another and you said no. You said that your heart always belonged to me.” She shook her head as a dark laugh left her lips. “I was stupid to believe you. Not only did you take King Bard into your bed, but you also made claims of divorcing me and complained about me. All while I was dying and you only came back because you had to look like a king. How dare you even pretend to love me when you have tarnished me even more than a suicide would have!” She nearly screamed, wanting to rip him into pieces right there but knew that she couldn’t.  
She straightened as she wiped the tears from her eyes. “I am leaving tonight for Lorien to stay with the Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn to think on this marriage. I refuse to give my all to someone who cannot even tell me the truth about what they do when they are gone from me. I suggest you think of what you want as well and let me know. Other than that, don’t send me anything. I neither want your meaningless words, nor you in my sight for the next month or two. Good bye Thranduil. I hope you can be truly happy now.” She said coldly before walking up to her room.  
Thranduil hadn’t been able to speak all through her speech. His heart felt like it had frozen in place from her cold words. He knew, though, that she wasn’t wrong. Ever since that night, he had felt guilty for what he had done while remembering more and more about that night. How he had put her down, never appreciating what she was really doing for him. He had thought he could keep it from her. Everyone followed his orders out of fear if he was angry. He couldn’t hurt the girl that had told her, not to mention she would probably be taking her with her, but something had to be done. He could not just let her leave without an explanation!  
He walked down to the stables and waited next to her beloved horse, Shadow. It was not long before Selythgaren appeared. She growled and held the girl close. “Thranduil, get out of my way. I am not in a mood to be trifled with.” She warned, knowing that she could easily hurt him right now with how angry she was.  
He sighed and stepped aside for her. “Sel, I never meant to hurt you. It was a drunken mistake, one that I regret completely. It will not happen again, love. I promise.”   
She rolled her eyes as she saddled her horse up. “Your words mean nothing to me any longer. You lie to me so easily and threaten others to keep your dirty little secret from me. Besides, you are an honest drunk Thranduil. Even if you think you did not mean what you said, part of you did. If you wish to divorce me and take another, do it. I will make my own choice and see what my heart says. I have to take a handmaiden so Esteleth will be coming with me. Don’t do anything stupid while I am gone. Take care of yourself and go about your life. If you find me missing from it, then I will return and be your wife, though we will be starting over completely if this is the case. If you do not feel my absence, you don’t need me and I will stay in Lorien as the divorce is made final.” She said as she set Esteleth up on her horse before swinging up herself. She took off immediately, not looking back as pain filled her entire body from the heartbreak.


End file.
